As I begin the first post for my blog, I feel nervous for what will be shared in the future. I am not a writer, therefore you will find spelling, punctuation and grammar errors many times. This blog is coming to you via a human being in this world who plays the role of mom, wife, friend and hopefully helpful stranger to those who may read this though we've never met.
Yes I'm a mom...a mom of 3 boys who keep me quite busy hence the delay of this first post. I'm also a wife, a wife to a boy that I met a long time ago and continue to love each day. The role of friend is one that I cherish the most because it's the only one that crosses over in all other roles of life. You are a friend to your children at times, always a friend to your spouse, a friend to your family (maybe), a friend to the girl you met in 5th grade or the one you met when you moved into your new home, and a friend to many people you come across each and everyday. Once your done having kids, you will no longer be a mom to someone new, and hopefully you will never be a wife again to anyone else except your current husband (if your lucky), but we will all continue to gain friends through life and grow from those friendships. I've never understood the saying, blood is thicker than water. Well...yes that's a fact, but what does that even mean? Really, it's the weirdest saying. We actually are born into a family, and if we are really fortunate, we happen to like those people as well. Friends are the ones though that you choose to be a part of your life and they allow you to be a part of theirs. Anyway, that was just a random tangent. Now back to my hopes for the purpose of this blog.
In addition to the roles above, I am a yoga teacher, gardener, decorator, spiritual seeker, mental health advocate and a fighter and survivor in the battle of anxiety and depression. I will touch on all of these passions in my post throughout time. For me, the goal is to reach and relate to someone who is reading my post when speaking on one of these interests/roles. A beautiful thought would be that I inspire someone as I am inspired by so many in my life, whether I've met them in person or not.
To bring you up to speed on where I am at now in life, I will give a brief overview. I'm a stay at home mom in search of something else to fulfill me besides motherhood. Don't get me wrong, I love being a mom, and I've come to the conclusion that we are the most amazing creatures in the entire world. We are selfless, caring, driven, tired, loving, hateful, beautiful, ragged spirits that are often over looked in society. Yes, for those of us who can stay home and raise are children, we are lucky. However the lucky feeling can fade over time along with patience, drive and your identity.
I currently have a 3rd grader, one in kindergarten and a 22 month old. So when I calculate the amount of time I've been pregnant or nursing over the last 9 years I realize that it's a total of 7 yrs!!! So no wonder I feel a little cray. Yes this was my/our choice, but I have not had my own body to myself for 7 out of the past 9 years. I want all the moms out there to do their own calculation and then reassure yourself that you too are amazeballs!!!
So was it that surprising that I suffered from severe post partum depression after the birth of my 3rd? As a woman pre-disposed to anxiety and depression with 2 young boys, a husband who works often to provide the best for his family therefore has little energy himself to give and a lack of support from outside sources, what was I expecting? What are any of us expecting? Who do we think we are? Super human? I wish I could say that I had the baby blues and I pushed through with a little exercise and good ole vitamin D, but that was not the case for me. What started out as feeling blah one moment, quickly turned into obsessive thinking and paralyzing anxiety. I will go deeper into what this felt like in future post, but for now please know that I found help in the end.
So this was a brief, random, sneak peak view into what I hope to bring to others out there who are looking for something more than what they are right now. A post to let other moms know that you are not the only one who feels alone at times, or is searching for their next business venture outside of motherhood, or is wanting to run away and hide one minute and squeezing their child and kissing them all over the face the next minute. I am your new friend! It's nice to meet you.